she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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