im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We got so high we made milksteak
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
