My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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