dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just pee around me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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