I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
