but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
