dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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