She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
