Too much gin, very little bucket
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
