Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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