guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
