She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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