apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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