eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
