bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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