Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
