It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
