I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this boner is exhausting
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
