Someone shit on the floor
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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