don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
