Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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