I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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