Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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