You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
