My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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