you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
