the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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