Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
