so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
