i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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