Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
