just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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