im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
