I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
