Princesses don't give blow jobs
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
