where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
