I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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