I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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