The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
