so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
