she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
