Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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