please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
