If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
