so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
