You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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