So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
