any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
