genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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