I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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